The "Please Be Nice To Me" Gift

I have no idea why, but if I had to pick one Japanese cultural phenomenon that pisses me off to no end, it would be omiyage.

Some people hate key money, others hate the constant shoe removal, I hate the omiyage. There. I said it.

For those of you wondering what omiyage is, let me enlighten you with my limited knowledge.

As far as I know, it’s just buying gifts for your friends, co-workers, etc after returning from a trip. The gift is never anything elaborate or expensive, and is generally a box full of candy/cookies. And for fuck’s sake, the box full of cheap food had better be individually wrapped!

Yet, I was informed to bring omiyage (representing Chicago) to the people I will be working with. Now, if you read that definition of omiyage carefully, you will notice that this really makes no sense, as I am meeting these people for the first time, and am not returning from a trip.

So either I should not bring anything, or people should stop using the word omiyage so loosely, goddamnit.

It’s really more of a ‘Please be nice to me” gift (and that is in-fact what you say when you give the gift), not omiyage.

Omiyage also bothers me because it’s such a scam. As one would expect, entire stores are dedicated to omiyage, and each city (in Japan) has certain omiyage that it is known for. These stores usually already have the omiyage already wrapped and ready to go. Clearly what was intended to be an ‘I’m thinking of you’ gift is nothing more than another gift of obligation.

When bringing omiyage from your home country, I find that it’s difficult to find that precarious area between a tacky souvenir and a genuinely interesting, informative gift (I don’t recommend the “I heart *city*” shirts.). So maybe the pre-packaged codified system of souvenir-giving the Japanese have going on isn't half bad afterall.

Anyway, omiyage rant aside, here is what I bought for my “Please be nice to me” gift (not omiyage!).

For the principal: A coffee table book with lots of pictures of Chicago.
For the vice-principal: A Chicago-related coffee cup and magnet.
For my supervisor: A shot glass with my college’s logo and Chicago magnet.
For the staff room: A box of Chicago-themed mints.

I’ve also brought a bunch of Chicago postcards and keychains that I’ll give away to other people who help me out. These will go to people who help my illiterate ass buy furniture, set up bank accounts, etc.

I’ve also brought Chicago pencils, sets of the 50 state quarters, a Lady Gaga C.D, a coffee cup that says “Rockstar”, and a piggy bank with American money. These things, along with some of the postcards/keychains, will likely be given to students as prizes.

Maybe your astute self noticed that the gifts are not equal. They shouldn’t be: more important people should get more expensive gifts (surprise).

And don’t forget to wrap the gifts (Seriously. I didn’t think this type of gift required wrapping, but it does.).

Good luck with your omiyage adventures (or rather your “Please be nice to me” gift adventures).

The Hidden Costs of The JET Process

Yes, the JET application is free. The JET application process is not even close to free however.

I'm not going to get all metaphorical and talk about the hidden emotional and mental 'costs' of applying. Just because I don't need to; there are enough very real, very tangible, hidden monetary costs.

Though maybe I shouldn't say 'hidden', that sounds a little malicious on the part of JET, and that's not what I mean. Maybe unexpected? Unforeseen? That's a little wordy for a blog post title though.

Anyway, let's look at some of the ways the JET program makes your wallet lighter way before you spend all of the money intended for 'key money' getting drunk at Tokyo orientation.

First and most substantially is the cost of going to the interview (should you make it that far). If you don't live within commuting distance of only a handful of major U.S. cities you will likely be flying (or road-triping), staying at a hotel, and taking a cab for your interview.

And spending the money at this stage is a real gamble because it is entirely possible to drop a few hundred dollars to get to an interview only to be rejected.

Another reason to bring your 'A' game to the interview.

Though you may laugh at this next one, the collective cost of the seemingly non-stop parade of shit that needs to be Fedex-ed throughout the application process does begin to add up by departure time.

And if you're like me, sending things at the last minute, it can be a substantial cost that sneaks up on you. Fedex-ing the application itself. Fedex-ing the reply packet (if you make it). Fedex-ing forms into the black holes of the FBI and IRS. Fedex-ing your Visa application. Fedexi-ing your replies from the FBI and IRS. You get the idea.

And the FBI and IRS forms are naturally not free. And neither are the fingerprints needed for the FBI check.

That's just the mandatory stuff.

If you're straight out of college, chances are you need to buy real-world clothes. Possibly luggage. Maybe a new digital camera.

And let's not forget my favorite, the omiyage.

FBI SNAFU

What do you get when you combine one massive, inefficient bureaucracy with another?

Why, one fucked up situation, of course!

Here we are with less than a week before departure, and wouldn't you know it? My FBI background check was sent back to me, because there was a problem with the application. 10 weeks of waiting, just to have to redo the damn thing.

But lucky for me, I'm far from alone on this sinking ship. Due to some changes in the way the FBI does background checks, word on the street is that a huge number of JETs haven't gotten their background checks back in time for departure.

This is a problem you see, because, normally, no background check before departure means no departure. But thankfully the Japanese side of the clusterfuck combination of bureaucracies is not so rigid as to simply disqualify half of its people and call in the waitlisters.

No, no, they came up with a much more realistic and hassle free solution. Notice was sent out, with exactly one week before departure that anyone who hasn't gotten the FBI check must get a state check.

Genius!

Go through another bureaucracy, and begin another 10 week process with 1 week to go before leaving!

Brilliant!

And clearly the good folks at JET enjoy yanking on shortlisters' dicks because part of that notice said 'We know you may not get the results in time (no shit) but apply anyway and send in the application.'

Which is bureaucratic speak for 'We like fucking with you and having you jump through unnecessary hoops, and we know this is a huge waste of time.'

What should have been done was either: a) have us apply for this goddamn check as part of the original application process in November or b) be reasonable and just have the applicant's relatives forward the check when it arrives and if said applicant turns out to be a criminal then they are sent home.

But what should not be done is exactly what they did: Add more bullshit to an already shit-packed final week before leaving, knowing full well it is a total waste of time.

Although something tells me this is just the first, of many future run-ins with my friend bureaucracy.

Pop Culture Tuesdays VII

So, last time the focus of the pop culture post was the various ways traditional Japanese elements have found their way into pop culture.

But, stupid me, I did not include examples of these traditional elements. Find it in your heart to forgive me.

I've included here a section from a Kabuki play, and you can see for yourself the various ways in which traditional music and clothing has been brought into pop culture (and the music videos from last week).



It's amazing the amount of emotion and drama that is conveyed, just through movements.

And that's doubly impressive when you remember that the 'woman' on stage is actually a man.

Pop Culture Tuesdays VI

For today's pop post, I think it might be interesting to look at all the ways traditional Japanese music and dress finds its way into pop culture (specifically music).

So, first, the Yoshida brothers (of Wii-commercial-theme-song fame), who take the traditional shamisen and traditional rhythms and combine it with modern motifs and electronic instruments:



Next, a trance-y dance song, but with traditional Japanese instruments! It can't possibly fail!



Finally, some examples of entirely modern songs, but the artists have incorporated traditional Japanese clothing. First Miyavi:




And finally Kagrra:


(They also get bonus points for androgyny, and we all know how Yours Truly feels about androgyny.)

OK then, no long-winded, semi-informed rambling today.

Until next week!