By The Way...

I found out some interesting ‘Oh, by the ways…’ about my apartment today.

I knew immediately when I saw the head tilt from my supervisor that what I was about to hear was going to be about as pleasant as a prison gang rape with sandpaper condoms.

First let me digress and let you know when a Japanese person is about to give you bad news/say something they know will be inflammatory.

First is the previously mentioned head tilt. This is somewhat difficult to describe. It is the same type of head tilt a confused dog does, but it is a faster back and forth motion . And it is almost always accompanied by the sharp inward breath between the teeth.

And that’s when you brace yourself.

First was “By the way, rent will be automatically withdrawn from your bank account on the 20th.”

“OK, when is payday?”

*Previously mentioned bad news sound/action* “The 21st”.

“…...”

“OK, well I won’t have enough money in my bank account (which was accompanied by a ‘What the fuck are you gonna do about it’ laugh.”

Then he tries to explain to me the fees that will be involved for every day that I’m late, etc, etc.

Then I continue to explain that there’s not a damn thing that can be done about it. If these real-estate (which is a hilarious word to hear a Japanese person say, by the way) companies want to charge several months rent, deposit, key money, insurance money, etc due immediately upon signing the contract, then collect rent 3 weeks later, I’ve got news for them.

They can go fuck themselves. They’ll get the rent a day or two late.

Once I explained this to my supervisor (with my own head tilt of course), he then paused, and did the head tilt, teeth thing, and eyes closed.

I knew insult was about to be added to injury.

“Also, you know the landlord has a key to your apartment and can enter whenever he wants. You know, if he or the neighbors think something is suspicious.”

While I took this primarily as a roundabout Japanese way of saying, “Don’t do anything stupid in your apartment.”, it bothered me for several reasons.

First, I’m paying way too much rent to be treated like I live in a college freshman dorm. Second, I really hope this is a policy for everyone in the building, and not just some made up Gaijin clause. And third, before I leave my apartment I’m always going to be checking to make sure everything is clean and presentable should my landlord decide to break in.

I don’t want to be judged, OK?

But seriously. That’s some bullshit, by the way.

Pop Culture Tuesdays IX

In last week’s Pop Post, I hope you came away with at least a little appreciation for the Host Club and the crazy social rules which govern it.

But more importantly, I hope you came away with an appreciation for their badass hair.

Now, when you saw their hair, surely you thought to yourself, “I would love to be able to do my hair like that, if only I knew how. If only there was some sort of tutorial!”

Well, I’m here to answer your prayers.

Please take detailed notes as Ryoma, a Host among Hosts, male model, and general badass, shows you how to achieve the epitome of tasteless tackiness known as Host hair.

Did you watch the video in its entirety? If you did, shame on you. Seriously. Even I can't stand watching more than a minute or two; he's like a male, Japanese version of Paris Hilton (I still haven't decided whether that's good or bad).

Tokyo: Loud. Electronic. Ferocious.

How to describe the world’s largest city in one word?

Overwhelming. Tokyo is absolutely overwhelming (and over the top) in every way.

The amount of people. The size. The pace. The traffic. The public transport. The flashing shit.

I’m not exactly from bumblefuck Indiana, mind you, and even for me, Tokyo struck me as a city out of control.

Depending on how you handle such things, upon seeing the insanity you may withdraw and stay in the safe hotel, or you will be pumped full of adrenaline, feeling like you’re high on coke trying to absorb everything around you.

I was thankfully(?) part of the latter category. However, I will say this, being in Tokyo for more than a week or two would have to exhausting. I love it, but I would never want to live there.

Along the same lines, Tokyo is not a pretty city by any definition or stretch of the imagination. It really has no skyline and no real central area; it is more of a giant sprawl with multiple central areas.

Tokyo is a city full of unbelievable energy, and it has something for everyone. If you’re looking for peaceful, inexplicably silent shrines in the heart of the city, Tokyo has it. If you want non-stop sounds and flashing lights, Tokyo has it. If you want any subculture under the sun, Tokyo has it. But as a cohesive whole, Tokyo doesn’t seem to work; it’s just too big.

A person could be in Tokyo for 10 days and not even see all of Shinjuku station, so imagine the spec of Tokyo a tourist has time to see. I’m guessing that a person could live their entire life in Tokyo and not see all of the city.

Anyway, on the nonstop sounds and flashing lights angle, here is a video montage of some video I shot around Shibuya, set to, what else, “Loud. Electronic. Ferocious.”




(I have no idea why the video cuts off like that, but until I get it fixed just pretend there's a legitimate ending.)

That’s how I choose to remember Tokyo: Loud. Electronic. Ferocious.

(I will be posting other videos to that youtube account, so check back often!)

On Tokyo Orientation

Let me get straight to the point and tell you what no one else wants to say: Tokyo Orientation is a huge waste of time, if you’re a JET going to Tokyo orientation, don’t spend your limited time in Tokyo going to vague, general meetings, go out and see Tokyo. God knows you’re likely placed no where near Tokyo and may not get the chance to see Tokyo again for a long, long time.

Now, some people will say, “This is your job, you are getting paid to be there, you should do the responsible and mature thing, and go to the meetings.” I would tend to agree with this, if the meetings had any use or value. But they don’t. Don’t let the guilt get to you, skip them and explore Tokyo.

JETs spend Sunday-Wednesday (morning) in Tokyo, make the most of it (read: don’t go to the meetings).

Let me explain a little further.

First, I would definitely suggest going to the opening ceremony, not only because they take attendance, but also because it will make you feel good. After that, don’t step foot back in the hotel until the next semi-mandatory meeting, your prefecture meeting. This meeting is actually important, as you find out when you’re leaving for your prefecture, how you’re getting there, and other useful information.

Throughout the day Monday and Tuesday are a series of workshops that you get to pick-and-choose from according to your interests, they do not take attendance at these meetings (hint hint). Though I was tricked on Monday by workshop titles that sounded useful, but Tuesday I learned my lesson.

In every session I went to Monday, the information was so vague and useless all I could think about was all of the action going on in the biggest city in the world, just outside the hotel, and there I was stuck listening about how to use chopsticks.

Which brings me to another reason why Tokyo Orientation is so useless: JET is definitely a learning-on-the-job type of job. And that includes learning how to use chopsticks. Sitting through a few 50 minute sessions is not going to make you instantly prepared. If you don’t speak Japanese, learning how to say ‘konnichiwa’ isn’t going to save your ass.

You may have noticed that I have not included Sunday on this schedule. That’s because it’s basically a lost day. JETs arrive sometime late Sunday afternoon, and no matter where you’re coming from, it’s a long flight. By the time you get to the hotel (around 7-8pm) you will have been up for at least 24 hours and the day is basically over. Unless you’re a true warrior, I would suggest getting settled, eating, and going to bed early to regain your strength for Monday’s, ahem, meetings.

Don’t listen to any lies you may have heard, attendance is only taken for two of the sessions (the two I mentioned), and no one is keeping track of your whereabouts. It’s a little difficult to keep track of 1000 people. If you feel nervous about walking through the lobby to ditch, here’s a hint—take the main tower elevator to floor two, turn right, walk out the door, and BAM! the underground tunnel to Shinjuku station, and your freedom.

And that’s where I stand on Tokyo Orientation.

Pop Culture Tuesdays VIII

Please excuse the Pop Culture hiatus; things got a little crazy leaving for, and arriving in Tokyo.

But I’m back now, and I promise to make up for it, as today’s topic is a topic near and dear to my heart:

The Host!

Although Hosts and Host Clubs are really more of a Sociological phenomenon than a Pop Culture phenomenon, Host Clubs are actually becoming much more mainstream, and some Hosts are actually minor celebrities.

I mean, with hair like this:


Can you be surprised that some become national celebrities?

Anyway, for those of you unfortunate enough to be ignorant of the Host Club scene, let me show you the shiny, big-haired, creepy-head-tilted posed light.

You see, it all began in the land of milk and honey known as Kubuki-cho, Tokyo. It was here, in the 1960’s that bored, rich, undersexed women spoke with their husbands’ money and demanded attention from strangers. These women just needed someone to talk to, to feel like an attractive woman again. Nevermind the fact that these guys who are way out of some middle-aged housewife’s league are getting paid to compliment her.

So the Host is essentially a friend/date/etc for sale. Officially, the Host does not offer sex, and most Hosts do try to avoid having sex with their clients as they claim that by having sex with a client the client will have achieved her ‘goal’, and the Host becomes useless. Whether the Hosts actually have sex with their clients is not really important, what is much more interesting is the fact that the Hosts have basically become objects and the romantic relationship is just another commodity.

For one of my final Sociology projects in college I did a formal presentation and report on the Host Club phenomenon, so this is a rare post where I actually feel like I know what I’m talking about. Anyway, I won’t bore you with specifics, but I basically took the position that Hosts (and their clients) must both understand the ‘rules of the game’ in order for the illusion of romance to be successful and for the commodity to be sold. In this way, both the host and client are ‘selling’ something. Obviously the hosts are selling their time, and the women are trying to sell themselves as being worthy of the hosts’ attention.

I also examined the way in which the Host has become a caricature of masculinity, and has basically adopted certain exaggerated characteristics which have somehow been determined to be masculine.

Anyway, the bottom line is that Host Clubs have turned something as intangible as romance into a very tangible commodity with a very real set of codified rules which govern it. If I had to choose just one ritual surrounding the Host Club to show to beginners and say, “Here, this sums up Host Clubs, this is what it’s about.”, it would be the Host Menu.

The Host Menu is a book with headshots of all of the hosts of a particular club, and when a new client walks in, she chooses her host based solely on his picture in this menu.

And if you take some time to reflect on all of the social rules and assumptions which are thrown out of the window because of that menu, then I think that is a good starting point for understanding the fucked up fun that is the Host Club.

I could write pages on Host Clubs, but I’ll stop here, but if this introduction has piqued your interest, here are some ways to get your Host Club fix:

The Great Happiness Space: A field-research-type documentary of a Host Club in Osaka. Here is the link to the trailer: Here!.

And a link to the movie’s site: Here!.

Finally, a Host Club site: Here!.

It’s in Japanese, but it’s not really a problem, and you can use Google translate anyway. Mainly useful for its eye candy.


Now go! Immerse yourself in the sleaze!