Shattering The "Uniquely Japan" Myth

As part of the eloquent and fact-based reporting CNN had on the Japanese earthquake, there was an article which basically went on and on about the ‘uniqueness of the Japanese people’. It amazes me both how quickly this bullshit line is busted out and that it would make it beyond colloquial hearsay. But this is CNN we’re talking about.

In this particular case the Japanese were being “uniquely Japanese” by being so orderly and polite in the face of complete destruction. Fair enough. Maybe. I refuse to believe that absolutely no looting took place or that things never got heated in those 5 hour lines for water. Also in the face of mega-disasters most people become surprisingly selfless, in Japan or anywhere else. But if you come in already believing the Japanese are so unique, nothing is going to stop you from finding it.

However, if you ever need confirmation that “Hey, maybe this uniqueness thing is total bullshit” then head on over to the daily bento sale at your local Japanese high school. It’s a scene straight out of a Southeast Asian street market. The frenzied and focused grabbing for things that increase in importance exponentially only so the asshole next do you doesn’t get his hands on it.

It’s pretty much my reason for existence.

At first I was hesitant. Should I really push some 75 pound Japanese high school kid out of the way for some curry? After seeing that neither my sensei status nor my considerable size advantage garnered any respect from these vultures, the answer became a pissed of “Yes”.

The thoughts that race through my mind at the bento bazaar can be pretty vicious.

Let me paint the scene using my inner monologue:

“Ahh Christ, it’s raining today. So bento will be under the awning? Which means extremely crowded. Ok, I should get there a few minutes early.”

“How in the fuck do these jagoffs get here this fast? Is class over? Did the teachers let them out early? Fuckers.”

“Seriously. Stop standing in the doorway like a retarded deer and let me pass you dumbass.”

“Ok. Where’s the guy who sells curry? Please don’t be that creepy guy with the bad teeth who wants to practice English. Please, please…”

“Ah fuck, it’s him. Ok, don’t humor him.”

“Seriously kid, it’s not a life or death decision. Pick a goddamn bento and step the fuck aside. If that curry is gone before I get there I’m going to end you.”

“Ah you bitch, don’t even think about it. Don’t!”

“Seriously if the curry gets taken because this kid can’t make up his mind…”

“Yeah, ok. Dipshit behind me, you push me again and I’m going to give you such a dirty look I’ll make you cry on the spot. Where should I go? Talk to the indecisive asshole ahead of me.”

“Ha! Got it!”

“Ok, I’ve been standing here with my money jutting in your face, take it so I can get out of here.”

“I wonder what my face looks like. Do I appear as disgusted as I am?”

“Does he honestly not see my hand? It’s two inches from his face. Ok. She was definitely here after me. ‘the fuck?!”

“Finally, you fucktard.”

“Was that the same student I saw in the convenience store? Why does she act like such a creep when I see her?”

And….fin.

There’s nothing “uniquely Japanese” about it.